Wish Upon A Star [Fel]

Leaving the lands of which he called home, Desmond was gentle on his paws. He was walking at a casual pace. Not in any rush to get anywhere, nor needing to do anything right away. He was just wandering, just moving on his own. He kept his thoughts to himself and kept on going. The first place that came to mind was the Blossom Pasture. He was interested to see how the lands would look all covered in snow. Would the flowers be able to live through such conditions? He didn't imagine they would be able to, but you never really know with foliage. Nature was a powerful thing, strange in its own way, and yet dangerous too. As he moved through the snow, he could feel it building around his paws. It tried to weigh him down, but Desmond knew exactly how to walk through such terrain. He wagged his tail softly from side to side. When he finally made it to the neutral lands, he was surprised with the large amount of snow that vested itself here. It covered the tree tops and even the branches that hung low towards the ground. The snow piled up along the trunks of the trees, covering about midway from the base.

The flowers had wilted and mostly fallen off the trees. It was to be expected, but in a way, it was still beautiful. The moon rested high in the night time sky. The stars twinkled around it. Desmond found himself looking from the snow to the brilliant dark sky. He stared to the fiery orbs millions and billions of miles away from him. Off in the distance, he saw a single star rushing through the sky. It moved so quickly, Desmond couldn't hardly believe his eyes. He had never seen anything like it, though he had heard others speaking of shooting stars. He supposed that was what it was. He moved to a large clearing between the trees. It was open, allowing him to see the moon and stars with nothing in his way. With his front paws, he kicked away the snow as much as he could, allowing the dying grass to be seen. He made a big enough space for his form to curl around and lay peacefully. Watching the night sky was something he hardly gave himself time for any longer. As he sat all alone, another orb dashed through the sky. Soon it was followed by two more. It was so magical and beautiful, Desmond didn't think he had ever seen anything so wondrous.

Lumbering through the snow, Fel paid little attention to the stars above. There was nothing for her there. Beauty was… meaningless to her in the conventional sense. Fel was all about practicality; the analysis of marginal cost and marginal benefit was the driving decision-maker in her mind. She had to pause, however, and stare at the healing wounds on her chest. There it was, visible proof that there was still something sentimental buried deep inside of her. In a growling rumble, she asked herself, “Was it worth it?” Knowing the answer, she licked her fur to cover the scab from the cold and continued.

It was cold, after all. The lands had been covered in a blanket of purity, waiting for her dark paws to bring back the chaos. But in her chaos, there was a sort of order. Her strides were evenly spaced and fairly straight, heading for the Blossom Pasture. It was partly out of curiosity and partly out of exercise that she ventured there. Fel wanted to see the barren trees being consumed by the snow; their once radiant flowers now brown, dead, and gone. There was also purpose in her stride: stretching her sore shoulders and aching muscles. Since the fight with the psychotic puma, Fel had tried her best to regain her strength and mend her wounds. Though she was at her normal stamina now, the beta was still sore and healing. Tending to her shoulder was necessary for her function in the pack. There could be no crippled beta, not that Fel would ever allow herself to be crippled and live.

There they were: the trees of whose supposed beauty remained only the skeleton. Amused, Fel sped up to a gracious lope, slowly running through the trees and watching their shadows dance with the moonlight. The delicate interplay of movement was intriguing. In the distance, she saw the figure of a wolf staring at the heavens. The figure was large but only a silhouette. Its scent was seemingly of Agavos, so Fel approached just as it settled down in the snow. It turned out to be her own alpha, Desmond. How quaint. The beta was already walking in a tall posture, but had to clench her jaw to mask her throbbing aches and step with her usual rhythm. Desmond could not know she was weakened, even temporarily. As far as anyone knew, Fel had only passed out for the remainder of that fateful day and was up and running border patrols and inland surveillance within the next few days. That was a fortnight or so ago. It would take another week for her to be completely functional, and another after that for her biggest scabs to shed. For now, they were hidden by her dense fur, which surrounded them on all sides. Stopping near her alpha but a respectful distance away from him, she dipped her head and said in her gravel-like voice, “Hello, Desmond.” She sat down in the snow, not worried about the cold. It did not seep through her acclimated coat. “Enjoying the view or something?” She jested, looking to him with a smirk. There were a lot of things she would have liked to discuss with him, but this did not seem the time to do so. Desmond, after all, was a friendly and playful spirit. There were times Fel needed to cater to that. They were friends, after all, or as close to friends as Fel ever gets.

Not too long after he found himself staring up to the night sky, he heard a voice. It was Fel, his most trusted wolf. He closed his eyes for a second, but then opened them as a smile traced over his lips. He did not look at her, not daring to take his eyes off the wondrous beauty before him. "Yes, have you ever seen the stars act in such a way? It is... different. You know? I am so used to being able to look up to the stars and see them just sitting right there, never straying. Don't you think it is beautiful?" he asked as he turned his head to look at her. As he had done so, a shooting star fell behind her midnight form. The season was upon them, but this did not mean that Desmond was to act any different, to see Fel in a new light. A soft breeze wisped through the air, pushing up the fur along his spine. He gave a slight shiver from it, his body shook gently. But he did not feel the chill of winter, not really. Perhaps it had just been instinctive? Who was he to truly know? Desmond looked to her and thought more about their relationship as a whole. She had been there from his first moments in this area. She met him as a Rogue, was somewhat pleasant in the best Fel way she could be. Desmond had needed her words to break away from the normality of his life and start something grand. Her words alone allowed the brute to see his true worth. He was a good Alpha, and when he wished to fail, she was there to catch him and push him back to his throne. He owed so much to her, and yet, he owed little to her. As he looked to her, he stuttered, stammered even just to get the right words out."Uh.. pl-please come sit.. No-no need to be so far away from me... I mean uhh, we are Alpha and Beta.. We should be close, but not... no, just shut up Desmond..." His rambling was that of a fool, sweet and strange to come from him, but still very sweet. "Please sit with me?" he finally asked. He hoped she would not deny an Alpha his single request.

Fel tilted her maw up to stare into the heavens, which truthfully did rain down light on this night. She sighed softly and gave her response in a bland, cynical tone, “You once told me that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. If you wish it to be beautiful, it is to you. However, I do not believe in beauty any more than I believe in love, jackalopes, or constant states of happiness. They don’t exist in my world, not as other wolves see them. But perhaps when I see a jackalope, I’ll find the rest.” The beta looked to her alpha, paused, and then gave a lighter note to her response, “My birth pack would tell stories of how our ancestors live in the stars. Every night you could see all the great wolves who came before you shining down and watching over you. I used to believe them. That’s how I found my way to these lands, actually. I followed a shining star.”

Fel watched and caught the glimmering emerald eyes of the brute looking at her before rapidly lowering her gaze out of respect. But his strange diction and stammering brought her stare back up to him, accompanied by furrowed brows of confusion. But a request was a request, no matter its strange delivery. Without missing a beat, Fel would rumble out smoothly, “Of course, Desmond.” She stepped over to him, hiding her limp with all of her tolerance, and settled down in relief right next to him in his little burrow. To further ease her soreness, she laid down beside him, allowing her shoulder to rest fully. Her fur brushed his slightly, and she expected that would be enough company for him. The fae kept glancing between the stars and Desmond, contemplating what she had heard about him. Finally she rested her empty gaze upon the shooting stars, wondering who would be up there watching now.

"Dear Beta, of course love exists in this world. It may not be the kind of love that some wolves feel which makes them act so foolishly, but there are levels of loves that we can have for friends or partners. It's not something to run from or anything, just embrace the fact that there may be others who care for you a great deal and just live with it. No use in fighting something you cannot see or possibly even feel." He kept his gaze up to the sky. The stars seemed to be glimmering brighter and brighter with each twinkle. He laid his ears flat against his head. His green orbs stared off as he listened to her speaking of the ancestors tales. He was curious if this was actually true. He had heard there was a place to where he could speak to spirits, but he didn't actually believe it. No, he believed there was another forest, but they just never got to leave it. They were trapped there, trapped like rodents in a kill pile. How could they expand over the earth and rest in the sky? It was silly to think it true. Did Fel think it to be true? He found himself thinking to himself almost in a daze. He was only stirred back to reality when her hulking black form was nestled beside him. Her fur bristled against his, intertwining their different colored hairs. It was an interesting feeling, having one press their body to his. He had not felt something so powerful in such a long time. But unluckily for him, Desmond noticed a distinct smell coming from the fae. He could smell it before, but now that the winds could not blow it away from his nostrils, he could smell it perfectly, as if his nose was pressed right up against it. It was a thick smell and he could tell she had birthed a litter before. He had been around other faes who had several heats, each one more powerful than the next. "So tell me, Beta Fel of Agavos, what have you been so busy with these last couple months? I have hardly seen you here and there." He shifted his weight gently so he too was leaning against her, but only slightly. Her form was warm and he was enjoying the personal heater.

Fel blinked away his words about love along with her thoughts. He was always so set on the matter that it was no use arguing. There were four wolves that cared about her, for inexplicable reasons, and two of them were dead. The other two were in this pack. One of which, she assumed, lay beside her now. Did she care for them, truly? It was a possibility. But this caring was not to be mistaken with love. Even caring was an error in her judgment. Caring made her vulnerable and less able to make objective decisions.

The brutish fae did not mind sharing his warmth, and did not shift when he leaned on her, despite it causing her to swallow her pain that ebbed from the shoulder he touched. It was manageable, but very unpleasant. Yet she would never show this to him, nor would she move away. Fel knew the scent that she naturally gave off, and his scent as well. It was winter-time, after all. But Fel was entirely uninterested. The brutish beast was mated to her duties, and nothing else could compare. “Well, Alpha Desmond of Agavos, I’ve been running patrols and watching over our members, in and out of the pack lands. You know, making sure they’re both safe and obeying your rules. I have not seen anyone behave disobediently.” She paused, thinking. “Not in my presence, at least. We had an encounter with a rogue… Ottle-oosya or something. She said some interesting things to me, Twelve, and a Hunter Emma about you. I did my best to keep your name clean, for she is a ruffled, one-eyed bitch. I cannot imagine the others believing her, if even I have trouble.” She looked to him with a questioning glance before continuing, “I have been vigorously training my student, Warrior Narla. We’ve had an interesting training session a week ago, however, from which I have allowed her a week’s rest. She was knocked unconscious and needed to recover from some wounds on her side. On the same note, as soon as I am finished drying it, you’ll have a present from me to decorate your den.” She paused with a dark chuckle at the thought of the skull, letting her laugh fade before she would continue. “In my spare time, I’ve been hunting to help supply for the kill pile, as our hunters have their paws full this season with this weather. I intend to run by all of the dens tomorrow and ensure they are fit to withstand the frost - particularly the healer’s den. If their supplies freeze, we’re in trouble.” With that, she ended her ramblings, looking up to the stars once more as if trying to decipher their meaning. “I’ve been a busy beta. And what of you, oh mighty recluse? Where have you been?”

Administrator Posts : 18 Join date : 2015-11-02

– F O R E C A S T –

The winds begin to blow hard, picking up the snow from the floor, mixing it with the gusts of snow from the falling sky. Better find some cover better than trees for this one is turning into a blizzard!

ⒶⓀⒾ of Adoxography and GS

Of all the things she had said and done, only one made him worry. Oltulysa. Why had she met her? What was that stupid rogue spreading about him now? He could only imagine the things Oltulysa had told Fel and the others. How many had heard them? Did Fel even hear the worst of it? He had to be sure, but he wasn't sure if he was going to be ready for the barrage of questions to follow. He could imagine them now. Why did you do that? Do you even care about the pups? What kind of Alpha are you? What kind of father are you? What kind of wolf makes a deal like that? Why would you ever leave your own young? Too many questions came to mind. Too many answers he did not wish to answer. He closed his eyes, realizing he had not made a single noise this whole time. The snow began to fall from the sky. It was not too cold, but it would force the wolves to be closer together if it got any colder. "Yes, Narla, that little thing.. I suppose her training is going well? I don't think really anyone else has seen her. I will be interested to see this gift. I'm sure it will be a great addition whatever it is.." He looked up to the sky as he tried to think of what else she had said. His mind was stuck on the one-eyed rogue and her words. What had she said? He shifted slightly, pressing against her more. He looked down to her form laying down, smelling everything around them. His green eyes watched her breathing. Was it too slow? Too fast? Was it just normal? Desmond's mind was rushed with too many things at the moment to really understand all that was happening. To keep himself warmer from the cold, he lowered his head to nuzzle against her, but stopped in mid air. He looked at her back and reached his head to almost lay, but that felt strange as well. Finally, he rested his head on her shoulder. It was a strange feeling, but he let it be. "Yeah we will need to be doing some more hunting. The woods will be thin with animals on account of leaving for winter and all that... stuff..." The question still was pressing on his mind. He could not just ignore it. He had to ask it. "What did the fae Rogue have to say?"

What a busy mind they both had.

Was Narla’s training going well?

Fel avoided answering directly. The training itself was going fine, except for that incident in the mountains. There was much to be done about the creature’s fighting styles. “She has come far, but is no where near the quality of a fighter where I could consider her training complete. I am, however, satisfied with her strength and resilience, particularly with consideration to her small stature.” Fel glanced to him, noticing that something seemed very off about him. Desmond was somehow distant. She turned her head and scanned their surroundings. The fae could feel her alpha moving around her, first closer and then seemingly moving his head over her in a strange manner. Fel decided not to look and instead continued monitoring their safety. She remained that way until she involuntarily inhaled sharply at the unexpected pain of Desmond’s large head resting directly on her healing shoulder. The scab, though hidden by the long fur surrounding it, cracked and broke in one spot in particular and began to slowly ooze out blood. It was no more than a slow pulse but the overall sensation of unexpected (and therefore rare for Fel) pain made her want to react… But she would not. Gritting her teeth, she pretended all was fine and gently wriggled the shoulder to try to slide his maw more onto her neck.

Taking a deep but quiet breath, the beta replied compliantly, “That you sired her pups and then left her. She suggested that I inspired you to leave the life of a rogue, which I do not expect to be true. I really don’t trust those kinds of wolves with silver tongues. I expect she lost her morals with her second eye.” Fel glanced to him uncertainly. He had every right to be curious, but it seemed that this was all he was curious about. Suspicions rose, and her ears swiveled to face his maw. “Do you have something you wish to share with me, Alpha?”

// Rage against the dying of the light

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the rogue king

I never expected to find myself here, but now that I am... I can't see myself being anywhere else.

Something was strange and off about this. Had Desmond been away from the attention and affection from another wolf that every bit of this was weird, and yet... comfortable? The Alpha was confused in himself, unsure if nature was trying to trick him into another mistake, or if this was what he wanted. Trying to think of anything else, he listened to her speaking of the Warrior dog-thing. She was smaller than the other wolves, not built the same and her fur was probably not established for such cold temperatures. She was a strange little thing to look at. As he was inched from her should, a light breeze picked up beside them. It swept the smell of fresh blood from her form to his nostrils. Fel was bleeding? Immediately he lifted his head and he looked down to her. "Why are you bleeding? Who has done this to you?" He could feel the anger building inside of him. Of course he assumed the attack was from an Erenyx mutt, and not some sort of other incident directly involved with any other creature. It was winter, after all, and what animals would be out and about from their homes?

He stared to his midnight counterpart, ready to hear it had been the work of the vile wolf to the east. He held his tongue and waited for her reply. All of this, of course, had happened after the fact of her mentioning the one-eyed bitch. He had been so foolish to think such a fae would be able to keep her damn mouth shut about something he wished to keep a secret, about something that they agreed upon. Never trust a Rogue... Unless they become Alpha, then yes... trust them.. He knew after she gave him the answer, she would want confirmation that this wild fae was lying, that he would never do something like that to his own "family". But in reality, it never really was a "family". It was an agreement, one that he would never have to do anything more for. He did his part. He kept them fed and nurtured her during the hard times. When they were born, he did not linger or wish to get attached. Learning their genders, their names, the sheer number of which they were, it was not something that he wished to handle. He had no interest in their "family". Thus far, he had been perfectly content, even without his own. "Please do not try to hide behind your pride, tell me what happened.."

with great responsibility comes a lot of bullshit...

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Fel has felt a tenseness come over her midnight companion when his head shot up. Grand. He had noticed. She sighed, shaking her head that it was nothing and continuing on in her relay of information. But when he asked again, she could no longer shake off the question. The raven wolf had run out of things to say. But the beta did not let him evade her question either. She knew what he was doing… He was copying her in a sense.

The beast turned her head slowly to lap at what area of the cracked scab she could reach but ended up failing. Her tongue did not manage that distance up her shoulder. She took the moment, however, to smooth out the fur Desmond had ruffled before looking to him blankly, “I do not hide my pain out of pride, but out of duty. This injury is temporary, but what good would it do for the pack to see their beta limping about? Narla and the healers were enough. And besides, it’s not that bad.” Returning her head to its position from which she scanned their surroundings, Fel explained further, “‘Who’ is incorrect. I prefer to call it a ‘what.’ There was a feline inhabitant in Isle de Muerto, a mountain lion. I had taken Narla to the Isle for a little more rigorous battle training on difficult terrain. On a gravelly ledge, we begun to spar, and then the feline appeared from out of nowhere. Narla was unexpectedly foolish in her attack against the mountain lion, which I admittedly authorized. She was knocked out almost immediately. I managed to defend her, however. That cat was psychotic in my opinion. But the wound across my shoulders essentially let me succeed in landing a bite to the throat. Narla and I are both alive because of it, in a sense.” Fel blinked slowly. “I should never have made her attack it… It wasn’t safe, and she wasn’t ready. But at least she is safe and healthy now. I couldn’t let her die like that, eh…?”

An image flooded her vision, blocking the pasture. Narla laying limply on the rocks, the cougar, dying, looking for someone to take with him. A rush of panic.

A shift in time. Spiderwebs applied by a dark tail onto a dusty, bloody body. Carrying the two limp creatures back and abandoning one midway to ensure the survival of the other. Flickering vision. An angry bark into a deep, dark den. Rolling Narla safely onto the ground. Then falling into darkness.

Fel cleared her throat of hoarseness that winter brought along, “In conclusion to the report, it was an attack by a mountain lion upon my student and I. The assailant was terminated, and my charge has healed successfully. I bore some of the deeper wounds, and they have been more stubborn to heal, but the healers say it should only be a week or two until I am again fully operational. Even so, I find a way to manage my tasks.” With a firm, resolute gaze, Fel looked to Desmond in a way that silently communicated that she would not accept any offers to ‘take it easy’ until she was healed. Unless he gave an executive order, the beta would continue to run the tight ship that was their pack. It was winter, and Agavos had to be well coordinated to withstand it.

// Rage against the dying of the light

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credit to kenz.

the rogue king

I never expected to find myself here, but now that I am... I can't see myself being anywhere else.

So it was not what he had thought. But was that a better situation? He was unsure. If a wolf had done it, he could surely enact his revenge for doing such a thing to not one, but two members of his pack. The other, and truthful issue, was the feline she killed. There was no achieving revenge or a sense that Desmond had done anything for his pack. He could do nothing to protect them. Inside, it made him feel as though he had failed as an Alpha. He spoke not a word, but listened to her speech. She had told the young Warrior to attack, full well knowing that she was smaller and more frail than they were. That was a bad move in Fel's judgement and he expected better of her. But every wolf was going to make mistakes here and there. He had made plenty of his own in the past, and surely he would make more. "Fel, it is important to allow your body rest once you get into a situation as you are. Allowing the pack to see you are limping, is not a weakness, it is strength. We are all going to face injury and pain, that is life. It's how we react to it that sets us apart. In the very least, you should have come to tell me. Keeping something like this, of this magnitude, is not good. We have to be a united front. If something happens to either of us... We have to tell each other first... I wouldn't want anything serious happening to you..." He paused for a moment and only then realized what he had said. His eyes grew wide for a second, "We are a strong team, and you are just as essential to his pack as I am. Don't do anything to make me Beta-less, please?" It was not so much a question as it was a commandment. She had been the reason Agavos was even a pack. She pushed for Desmond to make the change, to call the others.

The Alpha smiled to his Beta, unsure of what to say now. He had said what he wanted and to him, it seemed the questioning of the One-eyed bitch was completed. Why she felt the need to go on about such idiocy was beyond his understanding. Perhaps he was going to have to pay her a visit and silence her further. His pack did not need to know of something, a promise, he had made before they were even a thought. He wondered if she would even ask. A part of him wished to tell her straight, to let her know the truth, but another part of him didn't want to. He just wished to avoid the subject all together. "I can't think of anything that comes to mind, unless you can think of anything. The only thing I do have, is I made an agreement with a wolf of Erenyx. Caspian, brother to Teren, is wishing to come to our pack after he tries to overthrow his brother. If he succeeds, we will have an alliance with Erenyx, but if he fails, he will be my Guardian. Though, he has already told me that he wished to excel in rank. He is very ambitious, this much is true. He seems to be trustworthy, I mean I trust him over his brother, or any of the others. I have yet to meet them, but from the sounds of it, they are much like Teren. That monster will die at some point, I just hope I am there to watch..." He looked to her and relaxed slightly.

with great responsibility comes a lot of bullshit...

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Listening to her alpha speak, the beast still smoothed over her coat nonchalantly, both ears pinned to the source of the speech. His wording was strange at several points, causing her expressionless eyes to flicker up occasionally in question before settling themselves down again. Fel sighed softly after he finished, a short and gravel-like sigh, and straightened her neck to address him with the directness he deserved. The tone of command was clear in his voice, but other matters were to be clarified. “I understand. But… So you know, this was not so long ago, and I have not seen you in a great while. Forgive my not coming to you immediately. I was not a pretty sight. Granted, a brute like me never is, but the cat really took care of mauling the both of us…” She chuckled darkly, unable to resist, “I enjoyed ripping that bastard’s throat out. Not so much for personal vengeance, but for what he did to my pack mate. You should have heard him. ‘But mother said I’m special…’ An imbecile he was, though a strong one.” With a final inhale at the memory, she cleared her throat and looked to him sincerely, composed once more.

“Of course I won’t leave you without a beta, not willingly. The only entities who can leave you without a beta are yourself, as you are my alpha, and Death, as he is the judge of my longevity. And when he comes for me, he will have to fight me to take me. I will not go gentle into that good night… As for the display of strength, I believe strength is in perseverance. My show is to go on, and I play my part to my best perfection. Besides, what message would it send to the pack to see their beta broken? The pack could see by my wounds that I had a fight. I refuse, however, to let morale drop by letting them see me hobble about like a moribund elder. A wolf who is the right paw to the alpha should walk firmly on four paws. After all, I am healing just fine.” Fel looked to him resolutely. He could argue that showing one’s pain, just like showing one’s emotions, was strength all he wanted. But her opinion could not be swayed. She would do her duties to the pack, and she would do them standing at her full height and walking in her normal gait whenever possible. But after a moment, the beast ducked her snout below his maw and let it rise to support him under the jaw in a comforting manner. She vaguely remembered doing so with her former friend, Shadow, when the other fae needed a word of encouragement. In a lower, quieter voice (yet not softer, as she could not speak in such a manner), Fel rumbled, “I’m fine. I promise.” It was strange and unnatural for her, and thus was not at all enjoyable, but she held herself there for a moment before withdrawing. She felt it was a necessary thing to do, despite her motions being awfully mechanical.

Desmond went on to speak of Caspian, during which the raven wolf returned her watchful gaze to the surroundings, scanning routinely. “I know Caspian rather well, and would find it interesting to see him around Agavos, assuming he fails and escapes with his life. We made an agreement that if the moment came for him to challenge Teren and he won, we would celebrate afterwards. I find his presence increasingly tolerable. But I must warn you, Desmond, against trusting wolves you do not know well. I would not hand over the responsibility of my life, if it were at all important, to an acquaintance’s paws. But that is your choice.”

Letting silence fall, Fel moved away slightly as she felt the awkwardness of their pseudo-embrace begin to gnaw at her pelt. There was something that wasn’t right… The way he avoided her question with an unsatisfactory change of subject. Granted, Caspian’s possible arrival was something she deserved to know – as not to rip the old brute apart upon finding him inside the lands. Yet there was one thing that Desmond avoided all commentary on. And if things were as she first expected them to be, there would be no issues in saying so. But the beta knew better than to voice her suspicions in a hostile manner, letting the silence between their two minds draw out, giving the other some time to think on it some more and herself time to compose the question appropriately. Throughout these several minutes, her gaze stared out blankly into the scenery ahead, and her side, without the warmth of her midnight companion, felt the relative cold of winter.

Turning her maw ever so slightly, she finally queried, “So, what was with that rogue’s babbling? You seem to be awfully quiet on the subject.”

// Rage against the dying of the light

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the rogue king

I never expected to find myself here, but now that I am... I can't see myself being anywhere else.

For a brief second, Desmond released a laugh. It was gentle and sufficient for the time. "Please tell me you do not consider yourself a brute? I know you are large... for a fae, but you are not a male, no matter what. You should be proud of your female-ness..." Desmond could not believe she had said that. But then she went on to rant about being a focus for the pack's moral. He shook his head slightly. "You are not immortal as I am not immortal. It is not uncommon for wolves to show their pain every once in a while. I promise you, seeing you hurt will not force the pack to crumble in the dead of night. I hope you did, however, visit a healer to make sure everything was healing correctly. The last thing I would want is infection to take you. Hell, if I were to get into a bout with a large creature, and I was injured... the pack would know about it. In my lack of being able to do everything the same as I normally would, they would need to help by picking up the slack. there are three other wolves you can depend on for help. Utilize them. Let them know there is a problem. You do not need to carry the weight of the world on your shoulders all by yourself. Share it with your pack mates. That is what packs are for." If anything Desmond had been most upset by the fact she did not come and tell him once it happened. She endangered two lives by taking such actions and he only just now discovered the truth. But he could not scold her, since they both came back alive. Desmond watched her, listening to her. She moved to rest her head beneath his, sort of cuddling but also as if he were laying beside a log. She was stiff, it was not natural. As she pulled away, so did he, slightly. Maybe Desmond was not missing compassion or the touch of another? It did not feel right. Or perhaps it was not right with her? The alpha looked out at the snow, feeling the winds pick up as he licked his nose.

She spoke of Caspian. She knew him? What a strange turn of events. Here Desmond had thought he to be the only wolf to meet him from Agavos. "I would hope you would play nice. He is no threat to me. I offered him the position of Guardian for the sole fact that I do not need another to save my life. I have lived a long time on my own, away from any form of sanctuary or savior. If anything, it will give him more of a reason to be watched carefully. You know as the saying goes, 'keep your friends close and your enemies closer'. Though I do not truly believe that he is my enemy, it is just a precaution. I could see the honesty in his eyes. It is a trait he gets from his family, I suppose. For I have sen the look of Teren's and I know it to be true, only his was more malicious and evil. It almost seemed as if he was peering into my soul, trying to steal it from me."

Through all of his distractions, or attempts to distract her train of thought, she brought it back up. The one-eyed bitch's words. Now Desmond knew there was no avoiding it for a second or third time. He would have to be honest. Maybe he needed to be, at least with someone. Who better than his Beta? "Last Autumn, I was in the Rogue lands, still a Rogue - living free without a care in the world. I met this fae, Oltulysa. She had one eye and the other gone - birth defect. Well, she and I got to talking and like the charmer I am, I woo'd her. She believed me to be handsome and stunning. We told each other a little of our pasts because well... What else is a Rogue to do? I had barely found any others in my time there. She told me of her old mate leaving her and her young to die. I said that was pretty messed up and volunteered my own seed unto her. It was a promise that I would impregnate her, care for her in the coming winter months after coitus... And when the pups were born, I would bring food to help her nourish them. I told her, I did not want anything to do with their lives. I don't know the number of pups she birthed or what their genders are. I don't even know their names. All I know is we made a deal never to speak about it and here she is, blabbing her foolish little mouth to the world. I did not abandon my 'family', because to me, it was only for her pleasure and my own. I never want to see them or hear from them. They are all bastards and that is how they will grow up, fatherless and as Rogues. Nobody truly needs a father anyway." He stood up and shook himself from the snow that had toppled onto him. He felt angered by this news, angered that Oltulysa had told others when she agreed not to. He moved away from Fel, staring off into the atmosphere.

with great responsibility comes a lot of bullshit...

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Fel eyed him, shaking her head in disagreement at the words that were to follow. “A brute, by the name itself, is a savage. A fae is supposed to carry the definition of beauty, peace, and elegance. There is nothing in either to be ‘proud’ of. No, I am not a male. I cannot challenge my own anatomy’s existence, for I have born pups. But by the definition of the word brute, I am more of a brute than half of the males at least.” His further words of utilizing and exploiting her pack members were expected, but his repeated inquiry of the healers’ involvement brought a slight furrow to her brow. “I am no fool, Desmond. And I already stated that our healers’ predictions on my recovery. I don’t see why you question it, unless you think I am a liar.” Her eyes momentarily gleamed with sharpness. “But if it is necessary, I will restate myself in detail. The reason I didn’t go to you first was because I was at the healer’s den. That was the first destination, and my sole priority at the time because I needed to ensure Narla’s recovery. My wounds were treated as well, and by their predictions, I will be fine. Narla herself is already prancing around her den, speaking of her ingenuity in the ventilation. Even if we had no healers, I know how to make a dock root paste myself. Will there be any further inquiries as to my perceived stupidity?” Her voice flowed out as smoothly and calmly as before, hiding her ticking nerves. Her diction was enough to prove her point. Yes, she made a mistake by sending forth the warrior as a treatment for her cockiness. But why did he repeatedly question such idiotic things as seeing a healer. That was the main reason they had that rank, and it would take a truly mindless wolf not to see them after such a fight. She decided not to comment further on his expectations for her to “share the load.” Fel already did during the first two days of being incapacitated. After that, she resumed her duties. The mere suggestion that she should remain dependent on the help of others to fulfill her job description was ludicrous to her. Besides, the pack did see her hurt. Desoto saw her stumbling back, bloodied, and groan out a call for assistance. The healers saw her collapse into exhausted sleep. Surely, some of the pack members had seen her on her trip from point A to point B… Her train of thought snapped back to Desmond as he continued on about Caspian.

And how ironic was that statement! He who is not immortal doesn’t need a guardian. He who is not immortal is safe in letting a potential threat stride up to his neck! She snorted mentally at his contradiction, remaining outwardly composed and letting her furrow fade into the neutral, purposely expressionless composition of her face. Feeling him move away, she stood up calmly, side-stepped an inch, and sat down again. Her gravelly response came out in a sickening purr, “Very well.”

And then finally, the mouse ran free from its hole. What the rogue female had said was true after all, and Desmond had mated with her for no reason other than a gentleman’s promise and likely, personal lust. It was needless to say that she was not at all impressed by his judgment, and felt him all the more hypocritical for his disappointment in herself. Yet she watched blankly as he moved away in his apparent rage, letting him do what he pleased. The wind greeted her with a welcoming chill, rejoicing in her freedom from that awkward position. But he was still her alpha and ally, so Fel stood after a long moment of silence, slowly walking up behind him. He appeared to be staring up into space, likely lost in a flurry of thought. So she bent down and (very gently) gave a friendly tug to the end of his tail, catching it flying in the air. She then came up beside him with a nonchalant yawn, looking up at the shared sky before finally breaking their silence, “ I do not know if that is a popular public statement for an alpha, so I am pleased in my defense of your reputation in your absence. I doubt anyone believes someone as unsound in mind as she, as even I did not. But Desmond, as a wise alpha once told me, ‘In the very least, you should have come to tell me. Keeping something like this, of this magnitude, is not good. We have to be a united front.’” No, she was not utterly pleased with his actions. But it was not the reason she was disappointed in him. It was more his deception and circumlocution that was unsatisfactory. Sure, the event had happened before Agavos was formed. But he implied that he kept sneaking off and providing for the fae until birth. The coldness of the snow nipped at her paw pads, making her shift slightly. “One mistake is not the end of Agavos. Neither are two.” Fel looked to him, her gaze carrying a serious connotation, “Desmond, you made me promise you that there will be no more ‘secrets’ between us for my part. Can you promise me the same? We can work together to avoid this issue becoming one of the pack’s attention, but perhaps your right-paw should know what is happening, no? Utilize your pack mates, after all.”

// Rage against the dying of the light

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credit to kenz.

the rogue king

I never expected to find myself here, but now that I am... I can't see myself being anywhere else.

"My apologies, Fel... My mind has been filled with many thoughts as of late, and I had forgotten you told me so. I do trust you, more than you will ever understand or begin to know. I hope you do the same for me." He remained in the bitter cold, feeling the winds pick up with speed and forcing the chill further against his pelt. She did not agree with many things he had done and said, that much was apparent. But she was intelligent and knew not to voice such things to him. He honestly did not know how he would handle such a way of communication from her. Had it been anyone else, he would have put them in their place a long time ago. But there he stood, staring out in silence as he allowed the wind to be the only noise between them while it could. But she spoke again, this time in much more detail and words than the "very well". "Fel, it happened long ago and I did not think the bitch would open her lips to reveal what truly happened. If I see her, I will be sure to silence her myself... But in the meantime, I wish for nobody else to know of this secret." The pack didn't need to know it. All the food he had provided for her family was from his own kills. Never once did he take from the pile used for his pack. White furries covered his pelt and forced the male to look speckled. His emerald gaze looked up to the sky, watching the winds carry more down to the grounds around him. "Have you told me everything of your past, sarcastic one? Have you divulged every secret, everything from the depths of your very life? For I have told you all of mine, I do believe. I killed my own brother when he challenged me. I mated with a one-eyed Rogue. That is all the trespassing I have done, if anyone were to call it that. What other skeletons do you have hidden within your den?" He dared not look at her, even when she had tugged on the tip of his tail. Her gesture was not enough to calm him down. He felt enraged, but kept a cool and calm appearance. He would not allow her to see the true feelings he held within. She did not deserve such, even when she taunted him. They needed each other just as much as the other one.

with great responsibility comes a lot of bullshit...

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