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Altair The Dark

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PostSubject: Altair The Dark Altair The Dark  Icon_minitimeJuly 15th 2015, 15:17

Name: Altair

Gender: Male

Age: Four Years Old

Pack: Agavos

Rank Requested: Warrior

Appearance:
Altair stands at a height of 78 centimeters, a towering height for a wolf of his bulk. Altair is bulky in muscle mass, which has formed over some years of being a warrior. Fights do not go unpunished, and Altair has many scars to prove so. The only real profound scar that any wolf can see and usually judge right from the start is at the base of Altair’s neck. It is normally hidden by a large sum of fur, but once a wolf is up close they can easily tell that brushing close to death is Altair’s game. Altair has seen many fights in his lifetime, and is bound to see more, especially with his ‘Never Quit’ attitude. Altair has silky black fur, that over the years has had some mixtures of brown and lighter brown show through. While in the winter, Altair’s fur gives him the appearance of bulkier fur. In the summer his skin is drawn tight over his muscles and his fur is thinned out.  

Photo:


Spoiler:

History:
Altair was born to a rogue couple with two brothers, his sister had been the runt of the litter and died only a few days after being born. Altair’s mother and father had tried to raise the pups, but it just wasn’t meant to be for them. So in the midst of a cold winter night, (about 10 months) with the full moon overhead, they abandoned the pups at the entrance of a pack they used to call home. Altair and his two brothers were brought into the camp, and raised as the alpha’s pups. Since the alpha’s mate had only born stillborn pups, the miracle of having  young pups to raise as their own delighted Altair and his sibling’s new mother. Altair and his siblings were only a year old when they were put forth into training, suggested by their father. The lands that Altair and his siblings trained and grew up in were vast. They had chances to see and learn things that no other wolf could, because they had mentors who had vast knowledge of the lands before them. While still mischievous Altair convinced his brother Crowley to come out to the forest with him while none of the pack members were watching. Crowley had been the youngest out of the three and was a bit weak when it came to fighting and defending himself. It took a lot of convincing for Crowley, but Altair finally got him to go. They romped around and played with each other, both just doing what pups would do. Crowley and Altair were running through a part of the lands that was closer to camp that was wet and slippery. Crowley had slipped and fell, causing his leg to be twisted around, and Altair had stopped running and tried to tend to him. ”Ill be back.” were the last words Crowley heard. Altair was coming back with a smaller patrol to pick up Crowley when they came upon a bloody mess. A large vulture was ripping into Crowley’s dead body eating the flesh right off of his bones. The patrol attack the Vulture killing it, while trying to see if Crowley was still alive. Altair had stayed back, his jaw open, and his eyes glued to his brother’s body. It had been his fault for Crowley’s death, and even though his other sibling and his parents said they forgave him and told him it wasn’t his fault, Altair always knew it would be.


The void that had filled Altair after his brother’s death could never quite be filled, but like anything else, Altair had to pushed through. He moved through his training, getting to the top the quickest and the fastest. He worked harder than the other apprentices, showing up each and every one of them with his skills. He had practiced and pushed himself in the memory of his brother, knowing that the only way to actually peace the void was be better than the best and work on his “never quit” attitude. After two years of training (Making him THREE years old), it was easy to see that Altair could (and possibly would) be the next beta. He had worked to hard to not be something important to his family and pack. It was always funny to Altair how good things would start to rise, and then the bad would sweep in like a black disease and wipe it all away. Altair was being prepped for a ceremony that would guide him into adulthood, when he was called out of the den to investigate something. A disgruntled noise had been loud enough to disturb him, and he went to investigate. As tragedies go, no one would suspect the most obvious wolf to have killed, but the blame was placed on Altair.  Altair’s mother had been found dead just outside of the camp, her throat ripped open and her blood seeping into the ground. It was a killing that had to have happened just recently, for her blood was still warm. Altair laid down next to his mother and cried out, his howl echoing off the lands. His fur was stained with her blood as he laid over her, while the other pack members came to investigate. Altair had tried to explain what he found over and over again but each time his words became overheard. Blame was beginning to settle on him, since he had a habit of having death follow him. In a trial that only lasted a moon (month), Altair was exiled from the pack, and his “loving” brother Azazel took over the pack for their heart broken father.

Altair had always kept in mind that his brother had been jealous, and jealous can be a wicked dagger to any wolf’s heart. It was never proven that Altair had actually killed his mother, but no one wanted to look at the true evidence of his brother. His brother was built for killing, and deep in his heart Altair knew that his brother strode towards evil instead of the light. Altair couldn’t bring himself to bring it up before his exilation, but being on his own really opened his eyes to the world he thought he once knew. Altair traveled, making his way through packs. Nothing ever really stuck with him, they didn’t have the home feeling that he really wanted. He was traveling for just over a year, just shyly putting him over four years of age. He became a rogue, considering himself a loner he didn’t bother trying to find a pack. It wasn't until his third month of being four, did he happen upon new lands, he had decided to stay he came upon three packs. Each one had a unique scent on his pallate, and one that drew him the most was known as Agavos. It smelled like home, and with the hopes of finally finding a home, he would call out.


Joining Keys: The keys were here, but Fel found them and threw them off of a cliff. You're all welcome. -Fel

How did you find Age? An advertisement on a site. I believe on Evalso, from Beta Shard. I do not know who Beta Shard is on here, but that is how I found Age.

Example Post:
Axton had been traveling up and down the beach for many months, it was an escape place for him. He had always enjoyed ‘escaping’ to the place he knew the best. Not that he grew up anywhere around water, or found water a comfort, it was the noises that really drew his attention. The sounds of the crashing waves were always a comfort to him. They just drowned out everything in his head, and everything he had been feeling. It was as if some kind of magic was at work pulling his bottled up anger away from him. It was probably something instilled into him when he was very young to listen to his surroundings. His father had been the best at his work, and in turn he had taught his son to be just like him. Axton was aggressive, dark and just foul. He would never let anyone or anything push him around. The only canine that had ever done that was his father, and after years of dealing with the pressure he finally snapped. It would of been better if Axton had killed him, but he didn’t. Axton regrets never killing his father, and he knows that if he ever comes face to face with him he will.


Rolling his shoulders, Axton took a seat, his dark pelt blending in with his surroundings. The darkness heightened his other sense to their max. His hearing was being used, as well his taste and smell. The darkness was blinding, but it instilled no fear in him. He was deep in the cavern. He could just barely hear the crashing waves outside of the cavern. It was a nice place to make home if a canine didn’t mind getting lost for a few weeks until he or she learned their way around. As he sat, his ears picked up on a sound. Movement, it was somewhere off to the left of him. He felt a growl build in his chest, and escape his parted jaws as he drew in a breath tasting the scents in the air. He could hear the canine’s claws click against the ground as they moved. He was about to say something, his voice rumbling when she spoke. Be a shame if I slipped? He thought and his white and yellow teeth flashed in the darkness. “I doubt so. It would be a shame to see- well no it wouldn’t be a shame to see you fall to your death.” He said and climbed up onto his large paws. He stood tall, his ears erect his back straight and his eyes on her. “Who are you?”

(Roleplay Example from an older closed site)


Last edited by Altair on July 16th 2015, 20:02; edited 3 times in total
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Elite Nnlya
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Age : 27
Location : Sydney, Australia

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Age: 6 Years
Purchases: 4 Character Slots; Graphics Shop

Altair The Dark  Empty
PostSubject: Re: Altair The Dark Altair The Dark  Icon_minitimeJuly 15th 2015, 16:26

Hi Altair, Welcome to Age!

We just have a couple things here that need addressing.

History: Whilst mostly well written, it doesn't give us much about what it was like for Altair growing up an when events occurred. A lot of your first paragraph discusses the changing landscape, this is nice and descriptive but we really like to see more about who your character is and what his life was like. It's also helpful to us to know approximately at what point in his life events occurred (mostly it's just to help ensure a level of realism in the story). The second paragraph also leaves a number of years unaccounted for, skipping ahead to finding the lands of Age. We like to know what happened to him in those years, what drove him onwards, what trials he faced. These experiences really help you to flesh out your character and understand them a bit better as well as giving us a chance to see what your writing will be like for our site, since you've chosen to use a post from another site. There are also just a couple grammatical errors that should be addressed, I.e. Full stops where a comma should be.

Please address this and post below when you're done so we can look at your profile once more. Thank you!
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PostSubject: Re: Altair The Dark Altair The Dark  Icon_minitimeJuly 16th 2015, 17:22

It has been updated.
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Elite Nnlya
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Elite Nnlya

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Join date : 2013-09-19
Age : 27
Location : Sydney, Australia

Wolf Information
Gender: Female
Age: 6 Years
Purchases: 4 Character Slots; Graphics Shop

Altair The Dark  Empty
PostSubject: Re: Altair The Dark Altair The Dark  Icon_minitimeJuly 16th 2015, 18:15

Id just like to confirm, when you say "a cold winters night", do you mean the winter at the end of their first year? Wolves mate in the winter and give birth to their litters sometime in the spring that follows. So am I correct in assuming that their abandonment took place when they were approximately 10-11 months old? The reason I ask is that you say they are "only a few moons old when they were put forth into training", moons of course presumably meaning months. The word 'few' typically refers to something in the region of three or four. A pup abandoned by their mother at 3-4 months old would almost certainly die (even with a surrogate their chances of survival are slim to none). This may or may not also alter the event of Crowleys death since his larger body as a yearling would have a better chance of withstanding attack (although his inexperience would likely lead to a death in any case).

Also, just double check your timing. If his adoptive mother was killed and Altair exiled in his third spring (so about the time he turned two) it doesn't add up that he would be four yet. Since it is currently spring on site, he would have just turned four. The timeline doesn't add up if he spent a few months floating between packs and then a year as a wandering rogue. It doesn't quite account for the entire two years of his exile before finding Agavos.

Thank you for your patience
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PostSubject: Re: Altair The Dark Altair The Dark  Icon_minitimeJuly 16th 2015, 20:04

The timeline has been fixed. Hopefully to sites satisfaction.
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Elite Nnlya
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Elite Nnlya

Posts : 522
Join date : 2013-09-19
Age : 27
Location : Sydney, Australia

Wolf Information
Gender: Female
Age: 6 Years
Purchases: 4 Character Slots; Graphics Shop

Altair The Dark  Empty
PostSubject: Re: Altair The Dark Altair The Dark  Icon_minitimeJuly 16th 2015, 20:52

Altair The Dark  R0it

Now before you can get started, please add your wolf to the following pages:

- Name Claim
- Ranks

Once you have completed these things, please head to the border of your prospective pack and post!
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PostSubject: Re: Altair The Dark Altair The Dark  Icon_minitime

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