Subject: Sincerely Yours [Zephyr] February 21st 2016, 21:14
It was shocking, how a little disappointment could turn into severe loneliness.
She was almost sure that her training with Zephyr would've been enough to get them both promoted. But, regardless, while she was upset, she was happy that Zephyr had gotten promoted, rather than her. He had done more than she had, what with getting two of the kills and also giving her the spotlight for taking the boar's life. Honestly, she believed the most interesting thing she had done was rip out the boar's throat.
She was determined to get out there today though, maybe find some rogue or another wolf who could offer as a companion. She just hoped she wouldn't run into Chiara or Magnus, or even Malachai for that matter. She didn't want to appear ungrateful, because she was beyond happy to be where she was as a Warrior. She just had higher hopes for herself; more faith that her skills would finally pay off. So, essentially, she wasn't down about her leaders not choosing her.
She was depressed because she didn't feel worthy enough.
She hauled herself to her feet, almost lazily trotting out of her den; the strange cave in the side of a cliff. It was roomy, definitely more space than she needed, but it just seemed so vacant... plus, it wasn't far from the pack clearing, or the border, making important travel easy. The prey was plentiful nearby too; some days, she didn't have to even walk a hundred yards to find a meal. Life was good, for the silver Warrior. Everything was good, aside from her harbored disappointment in herself. She had recently began to worry whether or not she even deserved the rank she had. So, she was capable, but smart with those capabilities? She had killed two of her four siblings with her so called 'skills'. Why not turn her away from the border in the first place? Why not make her an omega? Why?
While her thoughts ran wild, her paws moved absentmindedly. Such a simple task, she didn't even have to think. It was like breathing or blinking; it was so natural. When she finally came back to her thoughts, she found herself in a field of flowers... beautiful flowers, of every color, shape, and form. She smiled a little for the first time in days. "If only I could be pretty like you," she murmured quietly to the inanimate plants. She sighed, internally wallowing in self-hate and self-pity. She sat down, her icy blue gaze gazing at the many colors. She stuck out her forepaw and unenthusiastically batted at a purple flower; she was gentle, because while all this depression was built up inside of her, it wasn't anger. No, not anger. Why make others suffer? Everybody deserved a good life, one without disappointment or questioning of your own sanity or skill.
[OOC: Because who doesn't love a dramatic depression thread here and there? <3]
Subject: Re: Sincerely Yours [Zephyr] February 22nd 2016, 04:42
The White Knight
"Speech" + 'Thoughts' + Actions Zephyr walked through the lands in thought. After he gained rank and became Lead Hunter he realized that Paislee was still a Warrior. When she left she didn't seem to be happy, so he decided he would go find her sometime. After the training though it ended up being a bit longer than he hoped. He felt bad that she didn't get a new rank and he wanted to cheer her up as much as he could. After all she was his friend and he had to be there for her. He pushed through the lands in a quick run, he would search every land he could to find her, he didn't understand his feelings towards her. Although he knew that he cared about her, she was important whether she was an Omega or an Alpha. And he would accept anything in between. As he moved he soon found himself in a land full of beautiful flowers, just in time to hear her voice. Talking herself down as she stared into the flowers. He turned to her and smiled, he had finally found her. "Oh Miss Paislee, don't be silly. You are much more than these flowers, you are pretty." he smiled and moved over to her, not realizing fully what he said. He had just spoke his mind, the truth. "You can't let it trouble you to much, the rank. No matter what you are still important, you still have potential." 'Even to me' he spoke with the quick thought coming to mind. There was no doubt that he liked her, he had been thinking of her quite a bit lately. Although he wasn't sure how she felt about him. He wanted her to be happy and not depressed over a simple rank. He wanted to be there for her.
Zephyr
Table by Sieglinde; image credit to this person
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Subject: Re: Sincerely Yours [Zephyr] February 25th 2016, 20:54
When she heard Zephyr's voice, she wasn't sure whether to be relieved, happy, irritated, or anxious. Probably all of the above. She froze, her muscles becoming stuck in time, tense and telling her to flee. But she couldn't bring herself to take off... His words softened her aching heart, and calmed her racing mind. She glanced over her shoulder shyly. "My, my Zephyr, did you really just call me pretty?" she teased, her voice still a little tight. She wasn't mad at him, no, in fact she was proud and happy that he had been promoted. She sighed, getting to her feet and turning toward him. Her eyes met his, and she smiled a little. "Your words warm my heart, Zephyr, but I am a mere Warrior. I'm greatly disappointed with myself. Why do you think I'm here? The one known as Paislee, the one who was the daughter of two exiles, the one who murdered two of her siblings, the one who got exiled and fell in love with another exile... The one who let her mate and pups die... Zephyr, I'm a monster... Please understand that I'm not even worthy enough to be a pack wolf..."
She glanced up at him, then took the few steps that would close the distance between them. She pressed the top of her head to his chest, sighing with the comfort simply being in contact with him. "They say that 'I'm fine' is one of the biggest lies ever... I've been lying for a while Zephyr; help me find the truth."
All of the emotions she had kept caged inside her were finally coming out. It felt good to finally be able to break down, in this lonely sea of flowers, with the Lead Hunter for company. How did it come to this? she wondered silently. She didn't know the answer, but she was happy that it remained a mystery.
[OOC: This was mobile, so I won't bother with the table this time. So so so sorry for the wait!]
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Subject: Re: Sincerely Yours [Zephyr] February 25th 2016, 21:26
The White Knight
"Speech" + 'Thoughts' + Actions Zephyr smirked when she joked with him and told him that his words warmed her heart although her next words surprised him. She had all of these bottled up emotions that he never knew about. He let his smile fade and looked at her with sad eyes. Seeing her upset like this made him upset too. And when she moved forward and pressed her head into his chest he let his head hover above hers as he whispered to her allowing his words to sink in. "You can't let your past define you, you are not a monster. You are far from that. You are an amazing wolf. You are strong, skilled, and yes pretty. You care about others, and if you are a monster because of your past then we all can be called monsters. Things happen, but what is important is that you are here now and you are great. So Miss Paislee, you in fact, are not a monster. You ARE worthy of being a pack wolf and you are worthy of earning a high rank. All you must do is believe, believe in yourself." He hoped that he was helping. Especially since she really needed him at this moment. He knew that she felt disappointed in herself but she couldn't be. "So please don't be disappointed in yourself. You were great out there and you have many skills that would make you a great high rank. With time I can see you climbing the ranks and making the Alpha's proud. I know you can do it." Zephyr looked down at Paislee and smiled, he liked her and he wanted so bad to tell her. But he didn't know how, so instead he would continue to be there for her and help her. Just like now, if she needed somebody to vent to, he was here and she could trust him. This discussion would not leave this moment. Only in his memory. He wouldn't let anybody else know about this vulnerable side of her.
Zephyr
Table by Sieglinde; image credit to this person
[It's alright dear, this is so adorable and I just couldn't let it die <3]
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Subject: Re: Sincerely Yours [Zephyr] February 26th 2016, 05:47
[Again, just gonna make this mobile! <3 Don't let it die!]
She sighed. Zephyr was taller than her by a lot, so she had to tilt her head backwards to gaze up at him. She smiled, her icy orbs dancing with happiness, and acceptance. She knew in that moment that she could never find a better friend than him. She licked his cheek gently, smiling a little. "Thank you, Zephyr, for being there for me. I know that I can be a little dramatic, but I'm also selfish. I never congratulated you on your rank, and it truly is amazing that you are impressing the Alphas." she paused. Then she continued. "Look, this may be coming on a little strong, but, you are my best friend, Zephyr. You came to make me feel better, when nobody else did. Even Malacahi was skeptical when I told him about my past, I think, at the border. Maybe you and I should hang out more often, get to know one another a little better. I mean, I've only met you the other day at training, after all. I think you and I could become the ultimate team, Zephyr." She smirked at him. "It's official, your new nickname from me is Zeph!" she giggled. She nuzzled his neck gently, her sad feelings vanishing and leaving her in happy spirits.
[OOC: Don't worry, she's not friend-zoning him! She's just cautious about love, with her past and all lol.]
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Subject: Re: Sincerely Yours [Zephyr] February 26th 2016, 07:55
The White Knight
"Speech" + 'Thoughts' + Actions He chuckled at the smaller fae as she spoke, she called him her bestfriend and he liked that. He liked that she could trust him and that she wanted them to get to know each other better. He didn't blame her for not congratulating him. Especially since this way he got to know her better and let her know that she had somebody to talk to if she needed it. "I guess that means I should think of a nickname for you too..." he paused and chuckled, "How about Pai?" he said playfully. Before he spoke again, "How about we start now Miss Paisl... Pai Let's go for a walk through the meadow. We can talk about ourselves and let anything out. Whatever you say to me today will not leave this meadow." He chuckled when he corrected himself with her nickname. Then he awaited her answer. If she didn't want to go for a walk or talk about her past right now then he understood. And he was fine just sitting at this spot and talking, just being with the company of the Warrior he felt happy. 'Warrior Paislee. My bestfriend.' he thought happily. After just joining near the beginning of Winter he was already becoming best friends with a wolf. Hopefully he would have much more friends, although if he didn't, he was satisfied with just Paislee.
Zephyr
Table by Sieglinde; image credit to this person
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Subject: Re: Sincerely Yours [Zephyr] February 26th 2016, 09:02
She grinned at the new nickname. "Pai... I like that," she smiled thoughtfully. She sighed dramatically, then she flopped over onto her side. She nuzzled her head into the soft grass, smiling. She closed her eyes, the sun shining on her silvery figure, settting her fur ablaze. "I'm glad you found me," she murmured, without opening her eyes. "You make everything better," she told him.
All of her sad feelings were gone. Sure, she didn't feel glowing pride of a new rank, but the doubt she had in herself just minutes ago had simply vanished. She was happy, for the first time since the promotion announcement. She wondered briefly when the next opportunity to get a new rank would come.
[OOC: Trying to keep this quick, so I apologize that it's so tiny!]
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Subject: Re: Sincerely Yours [Zephyr] February 26th 2016, 09:22
Zephyr smirked, no walk then. He sat down next to her as she flopped onto the ground. Her fur shining bright in the sun, she looked like she was glowing. Now that she was happy, he was happy too. He didn't like the fact that she had felt that upset and now that it seemed that she was drained of those sad emotions he was glad. He had done his job as her friend. "Well Pai, I am glad that I found you too." he spoke softly as he flopped down next to her and chuckled looking at her. If she were to open her eyes they would both be looking into each others eyes. The grass tickled his form as he lay next to her. Nothing could have made him any happier. He would always remember this moment with Paislee. How he had helped her to be happy again. And how she had proposed that they were bestfriends. At this moment he didn't care if anybody found the two of them laying in the grass talking. He only cared about this moment with Paislee.
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Subject: Re: Sincerely Yours [Zephyr] February 26th 2016, 21:13
"Sorry, I'm lazy," she sighed as he laid down next to her. She opened her eyes, finding herself gazing into his light golden-brown eyes. "I haven't eaten much in these past few days... a little two depressed to eat," she admitted sheepishly. "Taking a walk just seems... exhausting..." she murmured. She closed her bright blue orbs again, images and memories dancing beneath her eyelids. Happy ones, like when she met Zephyr for the first time and felt guilty for not walking with him from the clearing to the valley. Then there were sad ones, like when her alpha had banished her from her birth pack.
"Do you ever think about the future?" she asked, randomly. "In my old pack, you can't afford to think about anything other than 'the here and now', because pasts are forgotten and futures bring your hopes too high. Plus, you're a little too busy trying to keep your ass from getting killed by predators and wolves who don't like you very much," she said, only half joking at the end. "I guess that's what happened... I moved away from that ideal, and I fell into the abyss of wonderful dream-like futures. Ones where I was actually a little impressive to others. Didn't Alpha Magnus say something about 'seeing more' from the rest of us..? What does that even mean? Is there going to be more training sessions, or perhaps a competition to slim down who's truly the best of the best? Don't get me wrong, I follow our leader's values as much as anybody else in Pyrvanthros, but I just wonder sometimes... But, hey, that's what gets your ass kicked when the future actually turns into the present, huh?" she said. "Get your high hopes and dreams of being this or that, or finding that or this... then you actually come to the perfect opportunity to seize that dream... and you just can't reach it..."
Depressing to think this way? Yes. Necessary? Absolutely. Healthy? Yes, if you looked at it the right way, but also no, if you took it from a different angle. But was it overall morally right to bring herself down in an attempt to get thrown a pity party? Was that all she was doing? Just making Zephyr look down upon her and realize that perhaps she wasn't fit for a rank. She mentally kicked herself for being so... so immature! Having a meltdown to guilt trip others...? Who did she think she was? Some foolish apprentice?
Maybe she appeared that way.
But she knew for certain that she was mentally a soldier; a merciless and emotionally unstable killer.
A Warrior.
[OOC: It's when I write posts like this that I realize how morbid I am... e.e]
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Subject: Re: Sincerely Yours [Zephyr] February 27th 2016, 12:25
The White Knight
"Speech" + 'Thoughts' + Actions Zephyr chuckled as Paislee sighed and spoke. When he met eyes with her and she spoke telling him that she hadn't eaten much in the past few days he frowned. "Well, I can't let that happen. As a hunter it is my job to provide food for the pack. I will get you something," Zephyr stood up and left her laying there and went to provide her with a meal. There was no way that Paislee was going to starve herself. After a little bit he managed to get a rabbit and brought it back to her. "Here you go Pai, eat up."" he spoke with a smirk. And listened as she spoke again. About the future. He moved forward to her and looked at her with sad eyes. "Please don't do that, forget all of that. Don't make yourself think that you are less then you actually are. The most you can do right now, if you want to impress the Alpha's, is to train and improve. There are many ways you can impress them. Ask for extra training so that they see you are determined and so that you can improve before the next training session. I know you can do it Paislee, I believe in you." He spoke sadly at first. His amber orbs looked down upon her form, until he lowered his body down next to her so that he was equal with her. Staring into her stunning blue eyes, "You don't deserve to be feeling this way, is there any way that I can help you?" he said softly. He wanted so bad to help her stop feeling this way and he would do whatever she needed to make her feel better. If he didn't he would feel like a terrible friend.
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February 21st 2016, 21:14