Safely back in Agavos territory, Esmé could feel the warmth in her limbs as she slowed her trot to glance at her alpha. The lands that she once knew as soft green, reds and browns was now covered in a thick unbroken layer among the hills. There had been a silence between her and her alpha, since leaving Erenyx border. She wasn't sure how she felt walking along side her large alpha, many things seemed broken into small fragments. Witnessing the power that Teren truly held had been terrifying, but worse than that she had witnessed him kill her sister. The one thing she had come to these lands to search for had been ripped away before her very eyes. Even reliving the memory made a soft almost silent whine escape her throat. That combined with the harsh words Desmond had said had pushed her towards the edge that she had never once dared to step close to. Breathing out a sigh, her warm breath swirling above her before disappearing. She stopped her walking and looked to Desmond silently, her golden eyes bright. "My first mission, a failure. Captured on my first try to actually gather information for you. Teren was going to kill me, if you had not come. Maybe that would have been a better choice after all." She spoke the last words silently into the night, as if they were nothing more than a silent plead. She didn't want to think the words were true, but all she had left now was Agavos but her connections seemed lost.

Desmond had been a big support towards her, ever since he had accepted her at the border. She felt encouraged to take a bigger step forward, and when promoted to Scout, it became a bigger job. Although in this moment she felt weak, hurt emotionally, she wanted to still bring promise. While those thoughts made her feel a little better, things still hung in the balance. Was what he said to Teren an act? Or did he truly think of her as he spoke? The brute was mysterious but she had a feeling he could either tell the truth and hide it or lie and cover himself up. "Teren needs to be killed." She added on after a few heart beats of silence. She wasn't sure how he was going to react to her first words. And while her feelings were being crushed under the weight of grief and pain, she wasn't sure how to explain what she had seen. She had seen so many horrible things, things that made her fear for the safety of all the lands. Teren was powerful, but even more so than any could imagine. Shivering softly, she closed her eyes. "Thankyou....for coming to rescue me." She whispered opening her golden gaze to meet his bright green one. She didn't know how else to explain her feelings. "I felt hope when I heard your howl. I felt alive again." She added on, stepping close to him and bowing her head gently, closing her eyes again. She was giving him the respect he deserved, and hoped he would not snap at her.

Desmond spoke not a word as they came back to their homeland. He didn't know what to say to her or what to ask her. So many things must have happened that she had seen. She was speaking as they walked, following after her Alpha. Desmond continued to be silent, listening to her words. Finally it seemed she had reached the end of where her words were coming from. "Esmé, yes, you messed up... But it's not entirely your fault." He turned his head and stopped in place. His body moved with his head, facing her as he opened his maw. "Let me get one thing straight... You did fail by getting caught, but I also could know a lot from Erenyx. You were over there for a long time. You had to have seen anything. I am not mad at you, but I cannot keep coming to save you, Esmé. But you also need to know..." His voice grew softer and his eyes did the same. "Everything I said to Teren... was a lie. You are not worthless and I do believe you can do better. I would suggest doing some sort of training with the Deltas, or Desoto, or even Fel... if she has time for you. You need some sort of training to help yourself not get captured. With a little training, I think you could stop that kind of reaction to seeking information." He looked to her and smiled softly. "So tell me, what did go on over there in the Big Bad Wolf's home?"

Esmé sat silently, the wind whispering past them causing her white fur to ruffle. A shiver raced down her spine, as she truly realized that it was winter. Her scent drifted among the breeze, ripe and sweet. She had to sit very still in order to ward off the urges of giving herself to Desmond. How strong they had become just in the few minutes of realizing how free she felt and how winter had come upon them. The snow was cold upon her haunches, keeping her in line as she waited for Desmond to reply. On the one paw, she felt horrible, but on the other she was glad to have gotten the information she had obtained. She had failed, in many ways but had gained at least a few tid bits of information. Ears flicking to attention as Desmond spoke, she looked into his bright green eyes her golden ones slightly dull in the chilly light. She wanted to flinch at his words, but she kept still listening to him as he spoke. She noticed how gentle his tone had become. She expected him to snap at her, become angry and leave her. However, it was the opposite. He sat there, and even spoke to her about training with one of the other high ranks. She knew none of them would have time for her, which made her ears flick. She also knew Desmond was training Katyusha full time, so there would be no time. Training to sneak was not what she needed, she needed to be more careful. Which could only be done by practicing. Whether with someone or by herself, she would continue to practice. Once he had finished speaking, she sighed softly and nodded at his words. "It was my failure Desmond. It was entirely my fault, but I had been doing so good. I don't think that white fae would have seen me, if she had not been in the right place at the right time." A bitter chuckle escaped her as she thought about being captured, and what hell she had been pushed through during it. "I had thought about going to Helidos first but..I had wanted to discuss it with you. I had originally come to these lands to search for my sisters. Quinn, and Lark. I had wanted to speak to you about going to Helidos because I wasn't sure if you knew of their names. So instead of going to Helidos I went for Erenyx. I had traveled quite a bit into their territory when I came upon the white wolf. She had spotted me and we spoke from a distance. In turn, she had been able to capture me and I was given to Teren." A grimace appeared on her face at the memory, but the worst was to come. "While trapped there, I heard whispers of a war. Helidos had challenged Erenyx to a war. What I did not know was that I was to be front line right next to Teren. It was as if he had this planned...he took me to war, and I watched..." She had to stop, her voice stuttering a bit. "I-i watched as he..he killed my sister, Quinn." She swallowed hard after she spoke the words outloud. They seemed to hang in the air, and her heart sped up with memory. She had to look away from Desmond, draw in a breath and let it out slowly before continuing on. "He knew...at least that is what I think. He made sure that I would see it. Quinn saw me, I know she did. I wish she hadn't, I wish she had died peacefully knowing I was safe." Her voice was soft among the breeze as she spoke. "I know Teren lost a pawful of warriors, but Erenyx was victorious. They won, and he grew prideful. He took a captive of Helidos. He is breeding her for his own pleasure, and for healthy off spring." Her voice wavered as she remembered what he had said, and she closed her eyes tightly. Winter was dreadful, despite the mating. She squeezed her eyes tighter seeing Quinn behind her eyes, she shivered her muslces quaking for a few seconds before she had gone still. Powerful emotions swept through her and she had to swallow hard to keep them from escaping. "I never got to say goodbye to Quinn. I feel...broken, I saw her last breath as Teren took her life. I saw the light die from her eyes....and I hope that is truly at peace." She whispered, her voice wavering again. Her eyes were up at the sky, watching stars shine as the breeze swirled around them again. Despite the broken feelings inside of her, she could still feel the heat from the season. It made her insides quake. She looked to Desmond, wondering how he would process this information. Would he become mad? She wasn't sure what he would do in the end, and it worried her.

Desmond was not angry or mad at her. Yes, she failed. But she also succeeded. As she went through the horrors she had seen, he almost wished he had not asked to know. It was heart-breaking to watch her go through this, reliving the evils she was forced to endure. Luckily he had gotten her back at the beginning of winter so Teren would not be able to force his ill will upon her. she was on the verge of breaking completely and Desmond could do nothing to stop it. He had done this to her. He made her the Scout and she was forced to witness such evils. He closed the gap between them. He sat close to her, took a foreleg and wrapped it around her shoulders, pulling her close as he rested his head atop hers. "Esmé, please do not be so upset with yourself. It was not your fault. Teren is a monster. If he wanted your sisters dead, he would have done it without you being able to stop him, even if you tried. I have met him, and I have spoken to him a couple of times. I have never seen such evil in a wolf. I have never witnessed such malice in his words. The way he holds himself, it's much like that of an immortal being. I cannot tell you how much I wish I would have been there to help you, to help your sisters. I am sorry for your loss. I too have lost family, but not in the same way. My father appointed me as Beta of his pack, and my brother did not like that. He challenged me for my rank, but when I was beating him, he took it too far. He was literally trying to kill me, so I killed him. I am not proud of what I did, but I was not going to be the one to die." He pulled away from ehr slightly, just enough so that his eyes could stare into hers. "Take as much time as you need being home. Do not worry about trying to get information from other packs for a while. You need to recover from this before you get back into the swing of things. You are strong and I know you will be fine with time. I met your sister, Quinn. She was very kind to me. I actually saved her from being attacked by Teren a couple months ago. Now that I can put two and two together, you look a lot like her and I have a feeling your spirit is identical to hers as well. Heck, she was an Alphess... Imagine what you could do if you put your mind to it." He smiled and licked a small bit of fallen snow off her cheek. "If you'd like, we can stay ehre to talk, or you can go on back to your den. The choice is yours. If you need me, I will not leave your side."

Shaking softly, she could feel herself breaking on the inside. But she had to hold together, for her pack, for Desmond, for all the wolves. It was her job to get information, bring it back and safely deliver it. This first mission was a fail, and she had gone through many horrors but she knew she would have to press on. She couldn't, no she wouldn't fail Desmond again. She felt Desmond move, and glanced up after having looked down, and saw him close the gap between them. He put his foreleg around her and she shuffled close as he pulled her against him. She felt his warm head against hers and she nuzzled under him, still shaking gently. His warmth made her warm, and she relaxed against him the shaking slowly stopping as she listened to his calm voice whispering among the wind. Listening to his story, she shivered in his words. He was right, Teren held himself as immortal...evil. She listened to him, hearing his wished he would have been there. She was glad he wasn't, and hearing of how he had to kill his brother she felt shock go through her. "Teren is every word of evil, but he will be stopped. He is old, and if age does not kill him someone else will." A soft sigh escaped from her, "I am sorry you had to kill your brother, but as you said you had no choice. I would not be proud either, but when it comes to either killing a sibling or being killed yourself...I would choose myself." She said quietly up to him, going quiet to listen to him continue on. She felt a slight smile come to her lips at his words as he spoke about taking some time and Quinn. "I won't stay at home to long, while I feel...different I know that it is my job to bring you information. I also want to thankyou for saving my sister. I wish I had met her before she died...but I know she is in a better place." She felt her fur warm at his compliments and smiled again. "I hope to reach a goal of becoming a better scout, my sister was an alphess by putting her mind to it. So you are right." She smiled this time, fuller at this point. She felt his warm tongue rasp against her cheek, and without thinking she did the same. It was a showing of appreciation but also thanking him for many things he had done. "Sitting here...talking..it has made me feel so much better. I know that I will still here but tonight..the chill doesn't seem to bother me. If you don't mind, maybe a few more moments of sitting here wouldn't be so bad."  She whispered softly up to him, leaning into him as she thought about her sister. She had done many great things and that she was proud of.

"I wouldn't worry about it too much. You have been through a lot recently and I think it would be best if you just took a small break, for yourself. Mourning over the lost ones cannot be completed in just one evening, even for a small period of hours. It actually needs time. Time heals all wounds. Take it easy and keep to the pack. I do recommend training, highly recommended. One day, Teren will get what is coming to him. There are many wolves who hate him as we do. Time will also deal with this issue." Desmond held his position beside her, hoping her shaking would end so they could make it back home without him having to worry about her health. As they sat there, Desmond started to think about what he should have done when he had the chance. He should have killed Teren when they officially met. But he could barely take care of his pack, how could he care for two packs at once? It would be too much for him. No wolf could handle that much responsibility. He took a deep breath and watched the world around him. Everything was still and quiet. All he could hear was both of their breathing.

Slowly her shivering had come to a cease, and her breathing had slowed back down to normal. Her heart which had been racing with her emotions had slowed as well, making her feel calmer as she leaned into the warmth of her alpha. Things seemed to be calming down, now that she had gotten everything out and was relaxing again. The world had seemed to stop, there was hardly a sound except for their breathing. It was a soft and sweet sound in the chilly air. She closed her eyes, having heard his words and nodded her head, in agreement to them. "I will ask someone to train me, who ever that may be. I'm sure a few wouldn't mind training me. I know it will take time to heal, which is ok, but I do have duties. I know that I can't mope around forever." She said to Desmond, finally speaking after having calmed down. Moving away from his embrace, and turning to look at him she smiled. "We should probably start heading back. I'm sure a good sleep is in order." She swished her tail towards the male, smiling once more. He had made her feel better, and that she was grateful for. She hoped to repay him one day, with better information and less capturing. She knew that she would never live it down, but she was able to gather quite a load of information during that time. "Thank you, Alpha...for making me feel better." She said softly to him, her ears flicking as she spoke.