Her hazel gaze was both narrowed and darkened as she moved slowly through the territories, still limping due to an injury that would be healed by now if she hadn't treated it the way she did. Now it was likely that she'd have to wait for Spring to come before she'd be walking without a problem on all four paws. She did not look as bad as before though, she'd put an effort into actually grooming out her dirtied pelt and some of the wounds didn't look as gruesome as before but she was still worried about infection. She had left them festering in dirt for so long she wasn't in the clear yet. But she still had refused to see a healer, hardly being in the clearing at all and when she did it was only to show Teren she was still around. She did not want him growing suspicious over her absences but she could not resist spending most of her times in the Neutral lands. It was much better than living amongst the demons in Erenyx and wondering and fearing that one could possibly know her secret. This type of fear was new to her, if it just concerned her she probably wouldn't care but now that she knew Samael's life was at risk, she couldn't bare the thought of something happening to him. Plus, for the first time in her life she had a reason to want to live, he was her new beginning. They could build a future together and maybe, just maybe, the past could be forgotten.

As if to remind her that there was still a lot of work and probably pain to go through before they'd ever be properly together, she hit the paw of her hurt leg off a rock, hard, and felt waves of pain ripple through the limb. This caused her to stop, bending her neck as she grit her teeth and stood still for a few long moments as she waited for the pain to pass. Finally it would and she'd begin moving again although not too quickly as unlike before her meeting with Sam and Malachai, she no longer was trying to push herself past limits but instead actually put an effort into looking after herself, realizing that if she lost her life to stupid recklessness she would also be hurting others around her. It was actually a selfish action. She had heard rumors of a new place in the neutrals however not a lot had gone to see it, most too focused on the newly discovered land in Erenyx. She hoped this would make this new land pretty desolate as supposedly each territory had found a new land recently and were too focused on them. She needed to see Samael again despite its risks, craved to be near him. She had let him and Malachai know of her part in Quinn's death and the enjoyment she'd gotten out of it and now she just wished she could take it back, she didn't want Samael thinking she had any similarities to the monster that had killed his father.

They hadn't arranged another meeting after coming across each other last time, but Tundra knew if he would be anywhere in the Neutrals it would be here and she was determined to find him. If he wasn't here she was even prepared to search for him in the Rogue lands despite its risks. She had yet to decide if this whole 'love thing' was a gift or a curse. She knew if one was to get their paws on Samael she would die to save him, sacrifice…She had never understood it until now, a word so foreign to her cold uncaring heart now lit up by a single wolf. Her first night in this pack, in Erenyx..it had been Winter, a very bitter one too. She had been accepted by Irrationality who was Delta at the time, Beta now and rather than following him back to Erenyx had sought the neutral lands in hopes of being alone to think of what she'd done. She had only planned on staying there for the Winter, moving on once the weather was right enough for her to survive without a pack but she'd stuck around. That night she'd come across a young brute, a Warrior like herself. He was named Samael, and was bitter over a death. What was it that made her stay and speak to him rather than distancing herself she did not know. Maybe it was because bitterness was dangerous.

She knew what it had done to her and didn't want it to happen to him so she spoke to him, revealing things about her past she'd never spoken about aloud. Something about him had lodged itself in her mind and she had been eager when she finally met him again, of course she refused to show it. They spent that night together, spoke of deep topics and sometimes light hearted ones. She had never conversed with a wolf so easily. But then he was exiled, presumed dead and she slipped back and back and back until she found him in the Neutral lands, hurt but alive and realized that the happiness she felt upon knowing he still lived was connected to something much deeper. Love. It scared her, to be quite honest but she had come to terms with it and now here she was, risking her life for this brute. Who would've known.

The sky was clear tonight and when she glanced up she could see the glowing moon with its beautiful scattering of stars surrounding it. It was very beautiful alright but it also made the lands much colder and she shivered lightly under her thick pelt at some of the particularly bitter winds. Soon the grass beneath her paws turned to sand and she liked the way they sank into the softness as she moved forward. It was beautiful, the rumors had not been wrong when they spoke of the glowing sea and she came to a stop, awed by the whole thing. There was no one in sight, the waters lapping calmly at the sand being the only noise to reach her pricked ears. However suddenly something seemed to shift in the darkness and she squinted in the direction of it as a small cloud passed over the moon to reveal a dark form of another wolf. She could already tell who it was just by the way he stood there and was about to run as quick as she could with three legs when she stopped feeling a sudden mixture of nerves and shyness come over her. It was such a strange feeling and she frowned with confusion, she was never shy around Samael. In fact she was usually the one bossing around or scolding him without even meaning to yet here she was, stomach churning nervously and paws seeming rooted in place. It was shocking how one single life could mean so much to someone and absentmindedly, the fae's paws began to move to carry her towards the Exile. She stopped behind him, her breath visible in front of her maw as she breathed. His scent wafted around her, luring her in and standing there she simply breathed out the one word that now brought her a hurricane of emotions upon hearing.

"Samael."

Her breath came quick and uneven, body feeling more alive than ever before. His presence was like a drug to her, only ever satisfied when he was close enough to inhale and let the drug enter her blood. She shivered but it was more from anticipation than the cold, in fact, she hardly noticed the bitter winds as a warm fuzzy feeling awoke within her. For a moment silence surrounded them, not the awkward type but instead it calmed her. They were cupped within their own bubble of silence, the whispering sounds of the wind and the gentle lapping of the waters all seeming muffled and far away. It felt like they could be the only two left on the universe, all their worries and problems falling away. It was unfair, the trouble's they had to go through just to love each other. This emotion was so unique, so like no other and deserved to be cherished. No one should ever have permission to destroy it for the consequences would be drastic. Perhaps they were right when they said love was a weakness. It left you blinded and reckless in some areas yet gave you an insight to another world and left you with an ever clearer vision and careful actions in other areas. Her blood seemed to hum in her veins and her paws felt light on the sand, as if she could run miles, away from Teren and his rules. Run and run until they were safe, just Samael and her. Somewhere in the back of her mind, warning lights seemed to go off but she didn't notice it and instead let her gaze remain focused on his unique bi-coloured gaze, the first thing to catch her attention when she first came across him the first Winter she'd arrived in the dreaded Erenyx, unaware as to just how her life would soon change. For the better or the worst, she could not tell. For what she felt for Samael was amazing and something she would never be able to live without now, but would she have been better off if she'd never experienced it in the first place? Just like an addiction, you were fine without it but once you try it you are unable to stop and lose the pleasure of it even if it's killing you. She shivered, suddenly feeling slightly afraid of the strong feelings alive within her. Her usually hollow self was so not used to such a thing.


She had been so lost in her own mind that she jumped when his voice rang out beside her, flicking her ears with embarrassment as she straightened again and listened in silence. It took her a moment to realize that he was singing, and her hazel gaze shone in the moonlight as she watched him intently. She took in every single word, not letting one miss her as she strung them together to decipher their meanings. She exhaled softly as he nuzzled into her, feeling a warmth spread over her body. Their breaths collided in the cool air as he pulled back so that the tips of their noses touched. She allowed the smallest of smiles to grace her features as he continued to sing. His voice was beautiful, he was another that held the ability to change a voice into a living, melodic creature- climbing high and dropping low to accompany the song. She smiled as he came to a finish, unable to find the words to describe what she'd just heard and it was as she was searching through her brain frantically that she lost her chance and he began speaking again, these words no longer in music and holding an intent and serious edge to them despite the soft and gentle tone he used. She let herself lean back onto her haunches in the soft sand and she listened, letting her injured paw rest against the soft terrain beneath her. The words he spoke left her breathless and overwhelmed. She was not used to affection but this was something different, this was the true side of love. Beneath all of the playful and flirtatious actions it was all held together by this strength. This willing to literally die for the other. And to think that someone felt this for her, was overwhelming. She smiled sadly at some of the memories he brought up. Her first night, finding him lost and confused and then after he was Exiled. When she believed he was dead, finding him just alive and bringing him back to life. The first time she'd truly realized that she loved him, despite not wanting to admit it to herself.

But he was wrong about one thing, he had saved her. She'd been in a bad place at the time she'd joined Erenyx, losing her last strands of decency with each passing day and if it hadn't been for him....she would not like to see what would've become of her. When he finished, she remained silent for a good few minutes. "What you've just said....I can't even explain...." She trailed off, unable to find the words needed to explain herself. She took a deep breath and started again. "Samael I love you so much. And love is not a word I use lightly, hell I swore I'd never say it again and I can tell you it feels weird on my tongue up until this day. But yes, I love you, Samael. The words you just spoke, I can't actually word how it affected me for I've never felt like this before. I've grown up used to detachment because it was that or hatred. I didn't believe in love, I thought it was fake. I still don't know if it's a weakness or not but I've decided that I don't bloody care. But you were wrong about one thing, about you having never gotten to save me. You did save me Samael, you saved me from my greatest enemy, myself. I was fed up, ready to give up living at the next given chance and I probably wouldn't have even been still alive had it not been for my stupid fear of the unknown side of death. But then I came across you and something changed, when I thought you were dead...after Teren exiled you...I fell backwards and that made me realize that since I'd been able to fall backwards it meant I must've moved forwards at some point, because of you. Then when I came across you and realized you were still alive, I felt happiness. I didn't know why but it was love it must've been, already starting to awaken within me. As for Teren, I can deal with him until you're ready to take your throne. You need not worry about me, I have survived with wolves that make Teren look like a pup...okay well maybe not a pup, depends on what you consider the less of two evils. The others were cannibalistic, ruthless killers but they were also insane, the fact that Teren is clever and aware of what he does is what makes him as dangerous as he is. But we are clever too Samael, and he will fall."

Her eyes glittered with a dark hatred for the alpha as she sank her claws into the sand, because of him their lives had to be so messed up. Because of him so many other lives had been torn apart. It made her think of Quinn and her pack, she'd helped Teren destroy that one...something that she wouldn't have cared about before but now she was coming to realize that no she'd never be exactly 'good' but she would at least hold on to decency. She looked into Samael's gaze intently. "Samael I was a bad wolf, a very bad wolf. And you know that can never fully leave you? You can ignore it but it's still there whispering in your ear, taunting you...It came alive during that battle. I got a ridiculous amount of pleasure while I fought Fenris. At the start I thought I was doing it to make sure Teren thought I was loyal but then I realized that I was doing it for my own enjoyment, I pushed it too far..I let Teren kill Quinn. I stopped Fenris from saving her. And the worst thing is, I bloody enjoyed it! I loved the look of despair on his face when he realized she was gone, he'd lost. I don't know if it's me that deserves you Samael, there are sides to me that will never be gone and might just reappear again at the worst of times..." She trailed off, glancing away as she was no longer able to meet his gaze. Something inside her seemed to flicker and die, what it was she did not know but she felt the chill and reality bite back in. She was a monster.

She was quiet, content. Such a strange feeling but one she welcomed with open arms, if only it was possible to always feel like this. Feeling content, it made everything so much more bearable. It left you focusing on the good things, and they all seemed so good that the bad things were non-existent. But like all emotions, being content was just another distraction and soon you'd fall back into the grasp of reality's claws and they'd pierce your skin until you cried out in realization that you were never free. All happiness is temporary. Her gaze flicked over their surroundings, suddenly aware of how out in the open they were and how easy it could be for anyone wandering the Neutral territories to see them. She really had a habit of making good moments seem dark didn't she? She was about to open her maw and suggest moving back into the shadows where they had better cover than standing beside the illuminated water despite it's beauty when he began speaking and her maw shut clumsily and she listened on. She breathed quietly, eyes shut as she let all of her focus go into her ears, into listening to the way he spoke each word to her. Her heart beat strongly in her chest, she could almost swear that it was battering frantically against her chest- trying desperately to free itself. After a few moments of silence, her gaze would become visible again. She gazed at him in silence, her hazel gaze resting on his bi-coloured one before continuing on over his strong frame covered by silky fur as dark as night. She wanted to be against him, wanted to breathe him in. And with this longing came another realization. She wanted to have his pups.

It shocked her so much that she actually took a step back, tail flicking from side to side across the sand. But it was there, that unmistakable longing to start a family with him- and with it came a deep sadness. For it couldn't happen could it? It would be too dangerous, they'd have to either grow up as Rogue's or as Erenyx pups and both were as bad as the other. Plus, if she was to bring them back to Erenyx what would happen when others wanted to know who the father was? It could never happen, and this fact sent sharp pains slicing through her heart. She glanced back up at him, deep sadness evident in her gaze as she breathed quickly and painfully. She realized he was talking again, talking in response to the other things she said and she forced herself to push aside raging emotions and listen quietly. In an effort to appear calmer, she would lean back on her haunches in a tense sitting position. It was the best she could do for now. He spoke now of her past, supplying her with excuses she'd long since given up on as to why she did what she did. She stayed completely silent as he spoke, speaking of hatred, anger and yes of course she felt like that towards Teren but these feelings went much deeper than that...He then proceeded to blame Erenyx and Teren for her actions and while she appreciated how he refused to give into the truth that she did enjoy it, she was part monster just like that ruling brute- his blindness infuriated her too. But then maybe it wasn't blindness, maybe it was denial or maybe he was just being sensitive towards her feelings. She frowned deeply- furrowing her brows as she tried to discover which it was and came back empty pawed. She sure hated emotions. She blinked with surprise as he smirked, what the hell could he find funny about this? Until realizing that he was trying to brighten her mood as he quickly switched to a lighter topic. As much as his words made her feel light inside, filled her with a strange buzzing energy- she couldn't drop this subject. He had to know the truth about her.

"I love you Samael, so much. But I don't agree with what you say. I could've proved my loyalty to Teren in several other ways. I saw him go after Quinn, I knew she had nothing on him, I saw her other ranked wolves were caught up in their own fights and then I saw Fenris. He told me he didn't want to fight me, told me he just wanted to save her and I laughed at him. Because I couldn't care less, I didn't even care if he killed me and stole me away from you Samael. I had a moment there where i didn't care about how losing me could possibly destroy you as much as it would destroy me if I lost you. I didn't care at all as long as I got the satisfaction of a good fight, of drawing blood from the other and enjoying their pain and loss. It's like a drug to me, you can only go so long trying to ignore the pangs of longing and sure they fade with time but they're never gone and it only takes being in the wrong place at the wrong time for the longing to come back at full force and cause you to do horrid things. I had been decent, a clean soul once. I wasn't in a pack, I simply lived in a happy family. However then there was the fire, my parents and all my other sibling's perished in the tunnels we'd dug out as our home, only my brother Fell and I managed to get away. I loved him so much, he cared for me and looked after me. After most of my family being dead, I caved in on myself. I wanted to give up, I let go of any dreams I may of once had. But Fell, he was so optimistic. He kept me going at the worst of times, life was hard for two pups living by themselves and I was ready to give up so many times but he wouldn't let me, he really believed that life would get better. We constantly argued though and one day we had a particularly bad one and it almost turned physical so we split up before it could. I quickly calmed down because although my brother was much more optimistic, he had a fierce temper and I was always the calmer and gentler one in such situations. Used to be anyway...I finally found Fell and he was talking to two other adult wolves. I later discovered that they'd been following and spying on us for a while which is why they found it so easy to trick Fell the way they did. Our two other siblings had just been brown pelted wolves with yellow eyes but since I was a white wolf with hazel eyes and him a black wolf with ice blues eyes, he was convinced there was something special about us. My parents always egged him on with tales, I never believed them but he did...And they told him he was the sacred black wolf with the white sister who'd save them all. It was then I saw others hiding around and I screamed out a warning but it was too late...he got torn apart right in front of me and I did nothing to help.

The last thing we'd ever done was fought and it killed me. Without him to be optimistic anymore I fell right into a dark pit within myself that never went away again. They just tore him apart and then some ate parts of him. They were a gang feared by all wolves around the land, they picked random wolves traveling alone or in small groups and picked them off for mere enjoyment. I turned and ran as quick as my legs could carry me but i was smaller and weaker than them and they caught up and attacked me. I knew I was going to die and I was so torn up by grief and fury that I fought back without a care and there must've been something about the way I fought because the wolves attacking me were called back and the leader of that group gave me the option to join them or die. As much as I was disgusted at the thought of having anything to do with the wolves that killed my brother, I had found a sliver of life and clung to it by joining them. I ended up staying with them for a whole year, learning their cruel techniques. Eventually when they trusted me enough, they started letting me join their 'wolf hunts' they called them, I got strangely addicted to it all..slaying these shocked pathetic wolves. It had a kind of thrill and I was bitter over how easy they probably had it, wanting to make them or anyone who cared about them, go through what I went through. I learnt how to close myself off to others and become an emotionless machine in that gang until one day they spotted a pup out by itself. I was one of the ones sent to lure it towards the ones hiding so they could kill it but when I saw it. A young pup, but the image of Fell just smaller. Black pelt, icy blue eyes that were all curious and friendly..seeing it die would be like watching Fell die all over again. I turned on the ones helping me lure it in, managing to kill them with surprise as an advantage but the others heard and I had to pick up the pup which was now terrified of me and run and run and run. I didn't think I'd outrun them but I was older and stronger now and somehow did even with an angry and scared pup in my jaws. It kept calling me a murderer and I didn't know what to do until a wolf from another pack came across it and I was close to attacking it, not trusting adults but it was kind and eventually I joined its pack after days of persuasion. The pup had left to join them two days before me. I didn't trust myself in a pack, always getting defensive over little things and getting into several arguments and fights. Then around a year later...I had a fight with the alpha. A terrible one which ended with me lashing out and slitting his throat. I was shocked by how quick I went to violence and like a coward I fled the pack and lived as a loner, threatening anyone who came near me until finally joining Erenyx only to survive the Winter originally. But then something kept me there." She finally stopped and breathed heavily, shocked by how much she'd just said and lifted her gaze to meet his. "And that something was you. You saved me, began changing me but I want you to know that there are still parts of me that are "bad" and always will be, please just don't make any excuses for my actions. If you still love me just tell me that I am not a good wolf, I am a bad wolf but you love me anyway. That helps me so much more than you trying to make out that I'm not really bad."

She was practically panting, feeling as if she'd just ran miles. Never had she opened up about her past like that, never even to herself had she spoken any of these events aloud and it really shocked her. She was nervous now, what would he think of her? Her past was messed up, twisted and she could only hope he wouldn't hate her for it. Suddenly unable to take the distance between them, she stood and hobbled forward on her three working paws shakily until she was breathing in his scent. It wasn't enough, she didn't want anything between them, nothing. She pressed her smaller frame right against his, her icy breath drifting in the night sky as she pushed her face into his dark fur and drank in his scent. Her white fur intwined with his darker pelt, much like her brother's and oh did she crave him. She wanted to give herself to him, let go of the responsibilities but she knew she couldn't. It wouldn't be fair on what life could possibly be created by the actions and never would she want her pups born into this mess but that definitely did not stop her wanting him.

OOC: I'm so sorry about how long this took gahh! I hadn't realized how little time we had left to finish this...